Tag Archives: INELDA

Stepping Up

My apologies for being MIA this past week. I received my second Covid booster, and these never go well for me. I’m back in the land of the living, so I can provide a few updates. I’ve finished my End of Life Doula classes through INELDA. The final classes were bitter-sweet. Between the rich discussions, the role-playing activities, and journaling, you really bond with some of your classmates. I will miss the classes. So I am now a fully trained End of Life Doula. The certification process continues this summer, as they are revamping it for more mentoring and support.

The next step I took and completed today was to become certified by the Americans Clinicians Academy on Medical Aid in Dying. In Oregon, this is known as Death with Dignity. This is NOT assisted suicide, and it is actually illegal for insurance agencies to consider it as much. In Oregon, Death with Dignity is for terminal patients with less than six months to live. So these patients are already dying. This gives them control over the dying process and alleviates needless suffering. I’m very passionate about my support for this and will work to advocate for patients to have this right in any capacity I’m able to.

My last step will be to complete the therapeutic touch program. The first three foundational classes begin in September and run through November. Once those are completed, I’ll work through classes four and five, then certification. This is not only something I can do with the hospice patients I’ll be working with but as a stand-alone modality.

Marketing, business, rates, availability, etc, and all those details are being worked out. Once they are I’ll be sure to share all of that in a way that makes sense with my logo and some other details about what I’ll be doing. Thank you for following along with me here as I navigate this. I can’t wait to meet new people and help with the healing process in whatever capacity that may be.

Class – Take 2

Have you thought about your mortality? How your death may play out if you had choices about where, when, and how you would die? Let’s face it; it’s a topic most people would much rather avoid. We don’t make coffee dates or plan happy hour around discussions of deathbeds and rituals. Should we?

I’ve seen family and friends caught off guard around the death of a loved one. There were no plans and no discussions around what that person may have wanted. These difficult decisions, financial planning, and logistics were all left on the shoulders of the survivors.

A death doula can help with planning, and we discussed this in our second class on Saturday. I was on time for that one, by the way. We talked about planning and how important it is to ask open-ended questions and be completely present and silent to take in the patient’s desires, fears, and concerns. We also discussed self-care and its importance for our physical and mental well-being. Finally, we had to write out what we do for self-care now and what we plan to add or change once we are working. I had a lot of respect for this conversation because this type of work requires so much mental acuity and physical presence. Hours can be long and emotional. Self-care is critical.

We also talked about the early signs of dying and what to expect. For example, dying patients often stop eating, and this can be disturbing for the family. The body knows how to die. It knows how to shut down organs slowly and in what order. If you feed a body whose stomach is no longer moving food along, it will cause discomfort for the patient. This information is not just for our knowledge but, more importantly, so we can educate the caregiver, family, and friends- whoever is present during the vigil (active dying process).

Our homework for Wednesday is to plan our death vigil. I’m not going to lie; this is weird and brings up a whole plethora of emotions. Our family has had a lot of discussions around death due to terminal illness and other unexpected health events that have come up. Sometimes we use dark humor when things are serious. “Lightly used casket, pet, and smoke-free environment.” Everyone deals with death differently, and that’s the beauty of this.

I recently read about being buried in a shroud and covered with flowers before being placed directly into the earth. No casket. Another place will compost your body. There is water cremation (much more environmentally friendly). You can be cremated and made into a record. You can donate your body to science. There are many options, but the options people think about the least are how they want their dying process to look, feel, and sound. They aren’t easy conversations, but they are necessary. I told my hubby if he cremated me, I’d come back and haunt him, but that’s another story.

Eastern Standard Time

Well, the class had an interesting start. When I say interesting, I mean a fail on my part to notice the time was eastern, not pacific standard. When I realized the time difference I practically fell over in a panic, running to the table to log into the Zoom session as fast as possible with my book ready to go. So I did miss a little of it. However, I read ahead to see what the material was and what exercise we’d be doing. So once I  logged in and was able to jump right into a breakout room on Zoom.

They paired us up with a partner. We’d take turns during our breakout time, one person being the Doula and the other being a client who just found out they had two months to live. So we role-played for quite some time. I loved every minute of the Doula role. For privacy reasons, I can’t share the contents of our conversation. The discussion was fruitful and very powerful. These are not easy conversations, nor is it easy to be deeply actively listening without “uh-huh” or “hmmm” inserts.

 I’m also a natural “fixer.” I want to fix and suggest. These practices are off-limits for a Doula. My place is to guide. I asked all open-ended questions to elicit more from the client and try to connect with them, draw out more emotion and really get to the heart of their concerns and wishes. This isn’t easy. It took complete presence and tuning out any distractions. There were tears with some. Considering your mortality is an emotional act, and when you get into the details, such as the family that may be left behind, kids, or areas that might need closure, it weighs heavily.

My next class is Saturday morning, so I’ll have more to update with, but I feel like I’m in my place so far. I love it.

Doulala

I wish I could take credit for that word, but my witty husband gets the credit.

So you may have noticed it looks a little different here. I mentioned that my nursing career had ended abruptly in my last two posts. I’m now transitioning to becoming an End of Life (EOL) Doula through a program I started last night. I want to take the time here to explain what that means and how my first class went.

At the top of the page, there is a link labeled Doula. If you click on that, it will take you to the International End of Life Doula Association (INELDA) website. INELDA is the training program I’m attending twice a week on Wednesday afternoons and Saturday mornings. So what is an EOL Doula? I will be working with clients in hospice to help guide them and their family, friends, and caregivers through the process before and during the death vigil and aiding in processing their grief. There are three phases, Summing up & Planning, Conducting Vigil, and Early Grief & Reprocessing.

So what does this look like? When I first meet the client, we will discuss their primary concerns, such as the time they have left, fears about leaving loved ones behind, and what they’ve accomplished in their lives. This first phase addresses emotions and provides support through projects that honor the patient’s legacy. There is a term called deep active listening. Beyond being fully present mentally and physically, it’s holding space, and your entire body solely focuses on the person in front of you. It can take 15-20 minutes to prepare for this—deep active listening is a practice utilized with each client encounter.

In the second phase, I will help them plan their vigil as they go through the active process of dying. How does the client envision that to look or sound? Will there be music or silence? Who will be present, and where do they want to be? Will this be a celebration of life or a peaceful, quiet time? Do they want to be indoors or outdoors? Once the dying process begins, it will be my place to ensure their wishes are honored. I may explain the signs of impending death and the physical process the body endures. Sometimes guided imagery, touch, or music are used t help guide this process. My previous nursing experience will undoubtedly be helpful.

In the final phase, when the client dies, I will help carry out any rituals, traditions, etc., per the client’s wishes. Assisting the family, caregiver, and loved ones- whoever was directly involved, process their grief is also a piece of the final phase of my involvement.

Doulas do not instruct, direct, suggest, or tell. Doulas are guides through this whole process. I chose the name of my business to Beeloved as a combination of beloved and be loved. The sprout signifies new life and the dirt from which we all sprouted. Bees help new life by pollination. I didn’t want anything that resembled a sympathy card. Welcoming and warmth are what I want people to feel when they visit this site.

I’ll write about my first class in a different post. As always, I’ll remain as transparent as possible. Death is a strange word in our culture. It’s quiet and whispered, not talked about openly. I want to change the narrative by talking about it as I learn more about it.