Monthly Archives: November 2018

Final Buffers and Dead Week

This week is officially “dead week”. The week prior to finals when the sea of caffeine rises and random bits of papers with frantically written notes waft through the halls. Nerves are on edge and if you listen closely enough you can hear the mass quantities of math being calculated not for homework, but to figure out your “final buffer”. What can I get and still maintain my current grade or improve it?  I kind of liken it to the “oh shit”  bar in the shower in some hotels. It’s the just in case I panic and start panic erasing and changing my answers buffer. You need to know it.

I have one final left- Math.. I’m not looking forward to it but feel a lot better going into it with a high A. This is the last term of having to complete pre-requisites, with A’s. Don’t get me wrong, I always try for an A and that will never change. But it’s been drilled into our heads that if you want a shot at getting into the nursing program, you have to get A’s. They’ve recently changed this policy, which is a major point of contention for those of us that worked our tails off these past months to maintain our A average.

Rather than awarding the maximum amount of points for having say, only one or two B’s, the range is now 3.67 and above gets the maximum. So someone that has about six Bs will get awarded the same amount of points my study group and I will get for our A’s. I get leveling the playing field. I also agree that straight A’s does not guarantee a good nurse. To equate the two for program entry makes no sense to me.

Either way, I’m just relieved to have all of these classes done. The nursing program application will post on November 30th by 5:00 PM, at which point a frenzy of printing and calculating points will ensue. It’s an exciting time we’ve all been waiting for and that we all feel a little nauseous about. All the sacrifice, the time, the tears, and hard work are what brought us to this point and we all want to experience it together. Right now we are all full of hope.

Giving Thanks

In just a couple of days, it will be Thanksgiving. While some will be working or opt not to celebrate, most will be gathering among family and or friends to stuff their bellies and carry on traditions.

Something that is often overlooked on this day is the patients. The ones who are in the hospital for whatever reason, and unable to join in the festivities. I was one of those patients eight years ago. Plagued with severe nausea, unable to eat, and just having had my gallbladder removed that day, it was lonely. My husband stayed with me for a large portion of the day for which I’m grateful, and some family came in to visit, but for the remainder of the day, the silence wafted through my room like the smell of turkey cooking in the oven. I was in and out of consciousness from the anesthesia that usually wrecks my body, but acutely aware of the quiet. It was unfamiliar given that our family celebrates holidays with a “go big or go home” approach. Lots of people, laughing and enjoying time with one another.

When you’re in the hospital on a holiday, you stare out the window, listen to the bits and pieces of conversation that make their way into your headspace as people walk by. The beeping alarms and medicinal smell permeate everything.  Life keeps going on without you. I had a window view and could see the cars full of people coming and going. It’s a strange experience but certainly gives me a much deeper appreciation for those that can’t be with family and are confined to the sterile box that is their room.

As I make my way toward a nursing career, I know there will be holidays where I’m at work but am fully aware that I will have the option to leave and be with loved ones after. I know there will be patients who like me, will be in their rooms wishing they could see and hear what has come to be familiar to them over many years versus undergoing treatment, surgeries, or perhaps even dying. Today I give thanks that I have this appreciation and will go to great lengths on those holidays to bring a bit of extra light to my shift.

Have a wonderful holiday!

 

Death and Birth

My grandfather recently passed away. He was 97 so lived a full life. He was completely lucid and sharp as a tack up until the last couple of weeks of his life. It got me thinking about death. My family talks about death quite a bit. My dad has heart failure and has passed the age where a transplant would be a viable option. My husband and I were with his mother in her final hours as she succumbed to cancer, diagnosed only six months earlier. Today I spoke with a woman that runs the Noone Dies Alone program at PeaceHealth. It’s a wonderful program where volunteers sign up to be called to be present as a person dies, should they have no family or friends to be with them.

Death is not something that’s talked about as openly as birth. With birth we are surrounded by family, often have multiple people in the room as a new life emerges into this world. Phone calls and videos are quickly distributed. With death, it’s much more…”quiet”. In other cultures, it’s celebrated, people openly mourne, there are traditions and customs around it. For some reason, to a certain extent, it feels as though the topic almost taboo in the United States. We use words such as “passed on”. We whisper about it,

While physically it’s a fascinating process to see how the body begins to slow and prepare to end, holistically the needs of the dying vary greatly. Some wish to have silence, some desire song or prayer. Some go quietly while others call out for those they lost many years prior. It should be just as important, a momentous event in our lives as it is with birth. I do acknowledge the pain and emotion that accompany loss that brings about the hesitance to talk openly about it. Everyone handles loss differently. There are situations where perhaps that life should not or can’t be celebrated. Outside of those scenarios, we should share the stories that brought us joy. People (unless they wish to be) should not have to be alone as they leave this world. Their wishes should be known and talked about before they reach this point. It’s been an active topic for our family and while I realize this may not be the norm, we shouldn’t shy away from it.

 

Land of the Math Misfits

So I’ve mentioned my math class and how it’s a bit odd. I’ll now reference it as the misfit math class. I can’t think of any other name. The random characters… Scratch that. It’s more about the random behavior of the characters in the class.

The instructor is a nice guy but… There’s always a but… He’s a pushover. To a fault. Today I realized a student who sits behind me has a serious case of the mouth trots. She.Never.Shuts.Up. It’s a constant stream of words that has no filter and apparently no off button. I joked with a friend the other day that she has no “inside voice” either. She chatters through nearly the whole class and has no qualms about keeping us updated about her latest doctor appointments and other ailments. The blank stares and exchanged glances like a bad smell in the produce aisle. You know all know who dealt it but no one wants to acknowledge the guilty party.

Then there’s Loud Mary (see what I did there?) who continues to talk as though she’s week one at boot camp. I’m pretty sure my ears ring when I leave class. Her comments are random and fly out at the speed of sound. This is the same person who finally decided to show up to class week two, 40 minutes late and yell out, “Yo teach, when is the first test?!” I’d like to compare it to The Breakfast Club and write it off to just being a “diverse” cross-section of folks; the jock, the princess, the nerd etc. If only it were that fun and interesting. More than halfway through the term and thankfully there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

On a more serious, less crass note, I haven’t blogged about the CNA work I was doing for a couple of reasons. After just a few orientation days, it ended. After being short paid and problems getting it resolved I wasn’t left feeling warm and fuzzy. There was another issue but I’m not going into any details the spirit of keeping things professional. The place was undergoing a lot of staffing changes, (understandably). I’ll leave it at that. For now, I’m looking for part-time work, preferably with homecare but am keeping my options open. I want the experience and really enjoy the patient contact, listening to their stories.

There is something about caregiving and being there at a vulnerable time in someone’s life.  It’s a privilege. I can’t describe it any other way. But then I guess that’s how I know in my heart of hearts, in the deepest pit of my gut- that I’m in the right field. That’s how I see it- as a privilege. We enter this world needing help and guidance. We need cues. We need basic needs of life; food, shelter, clothing. We need patience. We need empathy. It’s no different when you’re sick or dying. You need all those things. Being present for that- a piece of that vulnerable picture is, in fact, a privilege. I don’t know where I will land next, but the need always exists. I’m keeping my eyes and ears open.

The Lottery

Most will equate this word with the (not so) uplifting story by Shirley Jackson or the recent gargantuan Megabucks lottery. The one I’m referring to is the instructor lottery. The one where you win a teacher who is fun or presents engaging lectures and inspires thoughtful dialog. Maybe this sounds like a pipe dream.  Sometimes but not always. My math instructor last term was fantastic as was the one prior. Being selective has paid off and with only two math classes to go, I have no intention to change my approach.

You ask friends what they’ve heard, read reviews of them, or as in my case- meet with them ahead of time. I had a slight conflict in the first week of class and asked about working around it. My microbiology instructor was OK with the arrangement and I’d hoped she would be too.

While the outcome was not good, I’m glad I met with her. I went in knowing my request could likely be declined and am fine with it as long as she heard me out and considered what I had to say.  This instructor did not want to hear a single word. When asked why I just didn’t opt for an earlier class, I explained that I was picky about who I take my math classes with (and for good reason). The woman looked at me as though I told her the International Space Station was making a stop in Eugene today and offering free rides.  (While her ratings were low, my selection included her or an equally poorly rated instructor who taught online.)

She used the word “constraints” as though I was somehow being difficult in choosing one whose teaching style would likely meet my concerns with my math struggles. My friend and I exchanged knowing looks- there was no way we were going to take our math class with her at this point.

There is a microbiology/anatomy instructor who consistently has complaints or extraordinarily low rated reviews. Her class is the last to fill every term. I’ve talked to “A” students who had C’s on their exams with her. She is proud of those C’s and that an A is nearly unattainable. This is not teaching.  I’ll never understand why schools choose to keep instructors like this. How do you expect students to enjoy a class when the instructor takes pride in having students struggle? This isn’t something to brag about. College shouldn’t be easy, and neither should getting an “A “grade but if you work your ass off to earn it, you should be awarded one. I’m grateful for the instructor I had for 9 months of Anatomy and Physiology and am acutely aware of the fact that I could very well have walked away with a very different point of view had I taken it with someone else.

Be picky. Sometimes you can’t. Sometimes only the crappy teachers are the ones left by the time you register or maybe the selection that term was just very limited. That’s how the dice are rolled sometimes and you just have to suck it up and go with it. That’s OK. But I am paying thousands of dollars for my college education and if you question why I’m choosy about a class that costs me hundreds of dollars, you’re going to get an ear full.

For those of you registering for winter term- may the odds be ever in your favor.