Connectivity

Ya know that time when you tried to connect to the internet and for whatever reason there is a delay and the cursor just sits there spinning? You can yell, “Oh, COME ON! CONNECT ALREADY!” You will it to connect as though you had no control over the glitch. This is what happened when I tried to move my right foot while standing during physical therapy. I was willing my foot to move, watching my foot remain stationary. In my head, I’m yelling, “Come on, we know how to do this!” I thought of a few other expletives but I digress…Standing is also painful. I read about this with GBS. I was not prepared for the pain in my left foot that brought me back down to sitting. It’s not my tendon or anything of that sort. My cursor was spinning. What I wanted to do was in my brain but would not connect with my foot. It’s most likely associated with weight-bearing again after 15 months of sitting. My body is not used to it, But it will be.

Physical therapy is going very slowly but well. I’ve stood with help on either side of me and can get on all fours while extending an arm or extending a leg out. I do a lot of core work, laying on my back while bringing my knees to my chest and extending my arm with a 5lb weight. All of this is encouraging. I wanted that foot movement though. I really really wanted it. It’s not that I can’t feel good about what I am doing; I’m grateful every day. I want to walk. Weight-bearing on my legs and feet has to and will happen.

I can type with two fingers. This is how I completed my college degrees and how I write this blog. It’s a painstaking process but how I plan to continue with school. Right now I position my fingers accordingly on the keyboard but what I intend to type and what gets typed are two different results. So two fingers it is. No one knows what my new norm will be so whether or not I get full use of my hands back is yet to be seen. I’m trying to adjust not only to prepare myself but to find ways to remain productive. Reading is challenging with my visual changes but I’m going to pick up a book from a friend and attempt it in small bouts.

Have you seen What About Bob? It’s all about baby steps.